Oh my....will I never learn?

When my daughter in law called me this morning, she told me to go look at a blog written by a woman named "Jen". It seems that "Jen" is a friend of "Jenn's" who is a friend of Nicki's. (My DIL). It was interesting to say the least. I understand her opinions. Totally. I really do. And I believe that she's 100% entitled to them. I guess I'd have to say that it's the WAY she expressed them that is causing the stir. Jen's blog has an entire Army base in Germany up in arms! These soldiers and their wives are outraged, and in my opinion, with fair, if not just cause.

I confess, I couldn't help myself. I replied to her post. More than once. You can read it here: http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-fjsxbSU7dqqHhUw7pHKy2hk-?cq=1&p=1205#comments

Jen is outraged by the war in Iraq. She is devastated by the recent death of two soldiers. I'm not sure why, but she didn't mention any of the other 2501 soldiers to date by name. And....(this is beyond my level of understanding).... she is angry at our government for killing these two young men. Now mind you, our government did NOT take these two men out, torture them and behead them. Nor did they put these soldiers out in the desert, unprotected, and tell the al Qaeda to "Come and get it!" The deaths were a result of an act of war. The manner of the deaths was an act of cowardice.
Forgive me if it sounds like I don't believe that Jen is entitled to her opinion. By all means, she has every right to it, and has every right to express it. I wish Iraqi women had the same right.
For interesting reading: http://www.iraqwarnews.net/

Cleaning cupboards...

You know....cleaning cupboards has been theraputic for me today. It's physical labor (up, down, up, down, sit on the floor, manuver around to get up off the floor, stretch, bend....you get the picture!), it's kind of quiet work....William disappears when I start a project like this one...so there's lots of time to think....and remember....

I remember one cupboard cleaning experience that I really had nothing to do with other than to watch and snicker....my mother had come to visit. It was cold...snowy...nasty outside and she decided that my cupboards needed cleaning. Was she going to take on this monumental task by herself? Heaven forbid!! Both boys (then about 17 years and 11 years) were pressed, and I do mean *PRESSED* into service. One kept a hot sink of dishwater handy so that he could wash all of the dishes....because of course, once you take the dishes out of the cupboard to clean the cupboard, something might have dropped on them....and the other one did the grunt work of taking out trash, refilling Grandma's bucket of soapy water, and helping to dry dishes and put them away again. Somehow both boys disappeared when it came around to the spice cupboard...:)
Today's task has let me remember our wedding reception, as I dug the bowls and platters that were used from the back of the cupboard. It let me remember Mom's gift of beautiful crystal wine glasses because I didn't have wine glasses when she visited and she had to drink from a water glass.
The cookbooks...oh my goodness....I have one whole cupboard devoted to cookbooks! I'm going to sort thru them and eBay many of them, I think! There's no reason for me to keep them, I don't cook much anymore! I love them to pieces....but enough is enough! I'll keep the ones that are really special to me...other than that...they're going!

I should finish up my little break here and get back to the grindstone...I only have two more cupboards and my pantry to do and I'll be done with this task.... I can do it....right? ;)

Ah...it's been a long day already and it's only noon!

Sundays at work bite. Weekends at work bite. Am I being a whiner lately? You betcha. Do I feel guilty about it? Some, I suppose. On the other hand, I don't WANT to work weekends. Everyone else I know and would hang out with are off on weekends. With the exception of my loving husband, who is the one person that I can hang out with 24/7 and not get bored with him! :) He's my best bud....he's the one that always understands, or at least he TRIES to understand. Wouldn't want to navigate this world without him!

So whatcha think? Meatballs for dinner? I think so.... just sounds good to me...just have to decide what kind of sauce I want to go with em....bar b que....stroganoff sauce....or I could just mix tomato soup and mushroom soup in equal parts....makes a tasty sauce...

In Passing....

Most everyone knows already that my siblings and I lost our mama on May 22nd. It was tough....really tough....I can't answer for the others, but for me it was hard because altho I was expecting it, and have been for a couple of years, I wasn't expecting it to be the way it was.
The story from my point of view:

Shirley, my oldest sis, called me on Mother's Day. She told me that Mama had to be taken to the hospital the evening before because she was having trouble breathing. A CT scan reflected masses in her brain, liver, and lungs. Cancer.
Mom had gone thru surgery for uterine cancer three years ago. They thought they had it all, and started her on chemo. She didn't tolerate the chemo well, developing problems with her hands and feet because of it, so they discontinued. All of this time, the cancer has been on it's way back with a vengence. It probably didn't help that she smoked more than a pack a day.

I called the next day and talked to my brother Gordon. He had just talked to the doctor and had been told that Mama had maybe 6 months to a year. That didn't sound right, but I relaxed a bit thinking that I'd have some time to plan a trip to see her before things got bad. Then the Hospice nurse told my sister that 3 months would be a long time for her to last. Ah....plans needed to be stepped up a bit, but still plenty of time. Daily calls to my sister, and one attempt to phone Mama told me that I didn't even have that much time. When I tried to call Mom, she had to be told several times to put the phone to her ear, and then she couldn't speak to me. Not even a week had passed and I knew I had to go...NOW. That was on Saturday, on Sunday I was on a plane winging my way to San Diego. Tom was kind enough to pick me up at the airport and took me straight to Mama. When I woke her up, she brightened up, smiled and said, "Hi!". I gave her a kiss on her forhead and asked her if she was ready to go dancing with me... Mom loved to dance. "Huh-uh" was her reply, complete with a little frown, and she went back to sleep. I sat with her for awhile,. and then let the others talk me into going to Shirley's and getting some rest. I felt fairly comfortable with going.
The next morning, Tom and I went into her room and woke her up. She didn't know me. She knew Tom, and responded to his "I love you Mom" in kind. It was a long day. Gordon came and got me for lunch at his house with he and Kelley, and by that time we couldn't wake her up. After lunch,he went back to work and I stayed and visited with Kelley for awhile, but then got uncomfortable and wanted to go back to the hospice. I sat with Mama and Shirley for some time...William called and I put the phone to her ear to let him tell her that he loved her and goodbye. Shirley and I knew that the end was close and we encouraged Mama to let go and go to Daddy, Grandpa, and Nonnie. Brother Corky called and once again I put the phone to her ear while he told her he loved her and told her that it was ok to go, that Daddy was waiting for her.
I will forever be angry with myself. I allowed myself to be talked into going home to Tom and Shirley's for the night. Just a couple of hours after we left her, at 11:45 pm, Mama looked to the light and followed it. I will never forgive myself for not staying with her...especially since I *knew* it would be that night. Water under the bridge now....and a hard lesson learned.

Her funeral was lovely. Beautiful flowers, and we used the urn that we had for Dad's ashes. The funeral director said that there is always a bit of ash residue left in the urns, and this way they'd be together once more. We liked that. Music selection was easy for me. I chose her favorite hymns, Rock of Ages and Amazing Grace. The third song was Leanne Womack's "I Hope You Dance". I just felt like it would fit Mama's wishes for those she left behind. She really did love to dance....it's how she met Dad! :)

She left me her wedding ring. The one that Dad bought for their 30th anniversary. I wear it. I need to have it sized, it's just a hair too big for my ring finger, but once it's sized I know it will be on my hand often, if not always. It means the world to me that she left it to me.

It's been two weeks on Monday that she's been gone. It already seems like forever, and yet it seems like yesterday. I still have her phone number programed into my phone. It came up the other day when I was going to dial Shirley. Kind of a shock, but I left it in there. I guess I'm just not ready to totally let go...

I miss her!

The Perils of Getting Older...

UGH! I hate getting older! Well...that's not exactly true. It's MUCH better than the alternative. There are just certain parts of getting older that I'm not quite ready, in my mind, to deal with. Let me share a few of them with you:

1. I've had to resign myself to not accomplishing everything that I've wanted to accomplish in my lifetime. It bites! I've wanted to live in Hawaii since I was there in the late 70's. Ain't gonna happen. ~sigh~ There are a few others that are going to elude me as well....

2. Let's talk body image. Oh. My. God! I've gotten fatter. Everything is sagging. And to top it off, when Mama told me that someday the hair on my legs would thin out, she didn't tell me it was going to SPROUT ON MY FACE! ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! Oh....and that extremely cute lil outfit that I saw in the store the other day? Not only is it not made in my size, but I'm sure I'd be arrested for terrorist activity if I went out in public wearing it! You're not supposed to scare mass numbers of people like that these days....it's politically incorrect!

3. One word. Menopause. If I admit to being old enough for it, I have to admit that I'm no spring chicken anymore. That means that folks will expect me to "act my age". I don't WANT to act my age! It's a lot more fun to act my son's age!